Lost in translation, part 3

Sorry to keep harping on about all this culture ‘stuff’ but Thursday’s post got far too long and I had to stop somewhere. While writing I remembered an exchange with a friend, R, many years ago, where something happened and there was a series of misunderstandings. Something along the lines of how you shouldn’t do X in culture A, normally, but it’s quite appropriate and fine in culture B, normally. I can’t remember exactly what happened, now, but I remember R was really frustrated, and I remember I tried to explain it all as due to culture. And R’s response was “Well, that’s all fine, but what am I supposed to do? How on earth am I supposed to know what’s right and what I shouldn’t be doing, all the time? And what about my culture?? Surely it’s not all about me always doing what’s right by your culture all the time, what about me?”

R was right, I think. Of course it wasn’t up to her to always have to accomodate other people, all the time. It has to happen on both sides. I have observed this sort of reaction occasionally, whenever there are cultural misunderstandings. To me, these misunderstandings are infinitely interesting, and I like to try to figure out what the problem could have been caused by, and possibly how to avoid it in the future. But of course these situations can be awful and uncomfortable and it’s not surprising that most people would want to avoid them at all costs. You think you are doing something nice for someone and their reaction is awkward and uncomfortable and it makes you feel like an idiot, and that your gesture of niceness has been rejected for some unfathomable reason. I usually do my best to avoid such situations too, and usually it’s only with the benefit of hindsight and hours of ruminating that I figure out where the breakdown might have happened.

When faced with communication breakdowns, it’s all too easy to fall back on generalisations and stereotypes and “That’s what They’re like, I shouldn’t have expected any better”. And it is easier to stick to what (who) you know, it’s predictable and feels safer. You know, I don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with that (even if it can be limiting). But if it closes you off to meeting other people, that’s sad. (As for what is rude or polite across cultures, some people are just downright awful, whatever their cultural background. We can’t, and shouldn’t, always use culture to excuse or justify bad behaviour. I’m not thinking of such behaviour, but of that difficult to pin down awkwardness, where you both know something has gone wrong somewhere but can’t be quite sure where, or what.)

Have I made it all sound like it’s a minefield and impossible to make your way through? I don’t think it is, and I don’t think that living with people from other cultures means that you have to be constantly watching what you say or do and worrying that you might offend someone. I do think that it helps to be aware of particular cultural norms that may be different from your own, and possibly making concessions, if you can. Still, it’s not going to be possible to always to correct or proper, or appropriate, and the main thing is your intention, I think. If you weren’t intending to offend, most people can see that. I’d argue that it’s not about losing your own culture and your own beliefs, but realising that others may have different beliefs and ways of doing things, and that it doesn’t matter. I’d also like to suggest that it can be interesting, and very satisfying, to learn about other cultures.

After what happened in Cronulla last weekend (and I hope this weekend is uneventful!), some people are going on and on about how multiculturalism is a failure and destined to ruin this country and what do you expect when you bring people from all over the world from all disparate cultures together anyway and we’re doomed! Doomed! Some of these people also seem to blame immigrants for racism – I don’t know what to say about that, but blaming other people for your beliefs seems a little weird to me. “If you didn’t exist, I wouldn’t have to be racist! Damnit!”

I’d also argue that it’s only the first generation of immigrants that really strongly retains their ancestral culture (and even that is tenuous – see yours truly as a case in point) – with each succeeding generation, the home culture changes and the children’s culture becomes more like that of wider society. Of course, some groups will always look distinct – but we’re not going to fixate on facial features now, are we?

And this is not a “white people are racist” post. I think we all have this capacity in us. It’s about whether we can acknowledge it, rise above it, and change.

Categories: culture, racism, thinking