Dining etiquette

We went to Raos (fave Indonesian restaurant) for dinner on Wednesday night. The food was good as usual, but I enjoyed watching the other diners as much as I enjoyed the food, I think. As is common South East Asian practice, Raos provides its clientele with spoons and forks as their eating utensils.

I was looking at how the non-South East Asian diners in the restaurant used their forks and spoons. I’ve observed that many non-South East Asian diners find the combination of spoon and fork strange and somewhat difficult to get used to. I suppose it is strange if you are used to the knife and fork, and spoons are for soup or dessert or serving yourself.

In the South East Asian setting (or in a South East Asian-influenced restaurant), you hold the spoon in your right hand, and the fork in your left, and you use the fork to push food into your spoon, which you then raise to your mouth to shovel in the food. The fork and spoon are actually perfect tools for eating many South East Asian meals, given that 1) most are rice based (have you ever tried to pick up rice grains with a fork? It can be done, but there can be a lot of droppage, unless the rice is particularly sticky), and 2) most of the non-rice foods are cut up into bite-sizes already and don’t need further cutting. If you are eating something like chicken, you can actually use the fork and spoon to break up the meat (much as you would use a fork and knife).

The other eating implement widely used in South East Asia is the right hand, but of course you rarely see this in a South East Asian restaurant in Australia (I suspect many diners would find that far more disconcerting than the fork and spoon!). My parents still prefer to use their right hands when eating at home, and I must confess that eating curry and rice with your fingers is somehow more satisfying than when using a fork and spoon. There is of course a particular etiquette when you use your fingers, like making sure you wash your hand first, only using your fingers and not getting food in your palm, and not licking your fingers (actually you don’t really stick your fingers in your mouth, you use your fingers and thumb to push the food in). Interestingly, there was an Indian family seated at a table near us, and I watched the mother begin her meal with the fork and spoon, and then gradually shift to using her fingers to finish her meal.

Etiquette while eating is quite fascinating to me. I’d love to experience dining within other cultures, with a guide who can tell me what I should be doing, or what I’m doing wrong according to that culture. There is so much that we pick up unconsciously from our elders as we learn to eat. Take this post, for example, from Cha Xiu Bao, who talks about etiquette when using chopsticks. Point number six: “6. Don’t rummage the plate. One of the most annoying mistakes is to rummage the plate in an attempt to look for what you want. No one want to have a go on your leftovers. So be decisive. Aim, pick and leave.”

Cha Xiu Bao is pointing to the practice in many Asian cultures of placing the meat and vegetable dishes in the centre of the table and leaving each diner to help him or herself as they eat. You don’t actually load your plate (or bowl) with everything you think you want to eat – it is normal practice to just help yourself continuously as you eat. For example, there are three dishes in the centre of the table, stirfried beef, stirfried vegies, and steamed fish. You have a bowl or plate of rice, and are expected to just take enough of each central dish to flavour and accompany a few mouthfuls of rice, and get more when you finish what you have. Cha Xiu Bao’s reference to not “rummaging”, is describing the frowned upon practice of using your chopsticks (or spoon or fingers) to pick over the morsels and decide which ones you want – ideally you just look at the food and decide on which bits you want before touching it. I remember my dad getting annoyed with us if we did that “rummaging” at the table!

In the end it’s all about learning what’s what, and using the right implements for the right food, of course. If you are eating noodles (laksa for example, that quintessential Malaysian dish), you can use chopsticks, but at a pinch a fork will do as well. For steak, of course you would use a fork and knife.

Categories: food, culture, etiquette, S.E.Asia