Day 16 #blogjune On the subject of reflection

On the subject of reflection, Barbara Corday said, “Unfortunately, too often it’s people’s failures that get them to reflect on their experiences. When you’re going along and everything is working well, you don’t sit down and reflect. Which is exactly the moment when you should do it. If you wait for a giant mistake before you reflect, two things happen. One, since you’re down, you don’t get the most out of it, and two, you tend only to see the mistake, instead of all the moments in which you’ve also been correct.”

It’s true. Most of us are shaped more by negative experiences than by positive ones. A thousand things happen in a week to each of us, but most of us remember the few lapses rather than our triumphs, because we don’t reflect. We merely react. Playwright Athol Fugard said that he worked his way out of a depression by starting every day thinking of ten things that gave him pleasure. I’ve found thinking of the things in my life that bring me pleasure a peaceful and positive way to start the morning, and I’ve started doing it regularly. Thinking about the small pleasures around one – the glow of the morning light on the ocean, the fresh-cut roses next to the word processor, the tall cafe latte waiting at the ened of a morning walk, even the dog that wants to be fed – is a much better way to deal with a perceived failure than to ruminate on it. When you’re down, think of the things you have to look forward to. When you are no longer in the grip of the mishap, then you are ready to reflect on it.

In fact, mistakes contain potent lessons – but only if we think them through calmly, see where we went wrong, mentally revise what we’re doing, and then act on the revisions.

Warren Bennis, On Becoming A Leader (2009, rev.ed.), pp.110-111