Opt-in

Opt-in, opt-out.

When it comes to trying some types of new things, I seem to be all opt-in. I don’t think too much about it, I just sign up.

This is why I have accounts in a zillion social media services.

A blogging challenge? Sure! Where do I join?

This opt-in mode only applies to some new things, though.

With other things, though, my default response is usually: “No, I don’t do that sort of thing.” Things I don’t do:

• crafts
• read romance novels
• deep fry food at home
• parties
• wear dresses

How do you develop this sort of – what would you call it – story?  How do you develop a story that says what you do or don’t do?

Is it just a case of having preferences that you indulge or avoid and then over time they become sort of fixed? You form habits, or routines, and you stick to them.

I suppose there is a good reason for habits and routines. It means I have predictability and I know what I’m going to do, and when. I can plan.

I can ration my energy, too. Pace myself. Do only the things I know I enjoy.

But there are some days (usually when I stop for long enough to take a breath) when I wonder: is this all I want to do? Am I missing something?

Reading this:

Seneca said, “The way is long if one follows precepts, but short if one follows patterns.” So, I started following the patterns. What emerged surprised me, and also didn’t. What would it take for me to live a more intentional life, one I more intensely inhabited? It turned out there were six main ingredients for that fuller, richer life, all starting with the letter I, just as all change starts with I, the individual. For each of the six practices that emerged, simple actions stood out:

Intensity: Say yes
Inclusion: Be generous
Integrity: Speak up
Intimacy: Love more
Intuition: Trust yourself
Intention: Slow down

Another pattern also emerged. These words not only start with I, but start with I followed by n: In.

Involved, inhabiting, intense, integrated. The six practices are explored in greater detail in the chapters to follow; what is important now is the understanding that the I (namely, you) is vital to each.
What does it take to fully inhabit your life? It takes realizing how important the I that is you is to the equation. This is not about other people, it’s not about changing the world in big ways, it’s not even about doing great things—rather, it is about doing small things that give you life, bring you joy, help you inhabit the stories of your days—and, by extension, help change the world and the lives of others around you. To fully live, you must be present in the biggest way possible.

I not They
It’s so tempting to start with They instead. If only They would let me. If only They would see my value. If only They would stop expecting so much (or so little) of me.

Stop.

From chapter 2, ‘Start with I’, in Life is a Verb by Patti Digh (2008).

(The letter is O, not I!)

Perhaps I’ll question my story a little more, and opt-in more often.

Who knows what will happen?